Guard Dog
by Scarpaw
Summary: When Izaya's apartment gets broke into, Shizuo is adamant that Izaya gets a dog. Izaya doesn't quite understand.
I honestly have so much work I've been neglecting and instead write and edit this instead... '-.- Based off of a tumblr prompt where after Izaya's apartment gets broke into when he's not home, Shizuo insists on him getting a guard dog.

Please enjoy~!

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara**

 _ **Guard Dog**_

 _When Izaya's apartment gets broke into, Shizuo is adamant that Izaya gets a dog. Izaya doesn't quite understand._

Izaya's apartment is _fucked,_ Shizuo notes when they reach the Shinjuku apartment early afternoon.

That morning one of Izaya's thousand phones had gone off, and when Shizuo had blindly (and accidentally) answered it, he was greeted by a picture message from a contact labeled _'Pizza Delivery'_ (of all things) containing a picture of what might have been Izaya's apartment with a succinct message saying [ _I'm not coming in until you clean this mess up._ ] Izaya had gotten upset after that, though whether it was from Shizuo answering his phone or because Izaya's phone had burst into pieces in his hands after seeing the picture was debatable. Shizuo figured it was probably both.

After the ensuing argument over Izaya's phone, they had launched into yet another over Izaya returning to his own apartment, which took the rest of the morning to resolve until Izaya had exasperatedly agreed to let Shizuo 'chaperone' the trip.

Very obviously, Izaya (or, at least, his apartment) is the victim of a home break-in. His boyfriend tuts as he strides carelessly into his apartment, not even taking into consideration the fact that the asshole that did this might still be there, surveying the damage with clinical eyes. Izaya picks his way carefully around the mess of his living room towards the kitchen while Shizuo momentarily wonders who the hell would even do something like this.

The binders and files that had once filled the numerous bookshelves littering the apartment are strewn across the floor, their contents everywhere. Izaya's desktop computer is lying on the floor, monitor screen cracked, and as Shizuo steps further into the apartment, some of the bookshelves on the second floor are toppled over. Izaya has so few personal items to begin with that it shouldn't be too difficult to determine what's missing, but that begs the question of whether or not the guy was even after Izaya's personal affects.

"You need to get a dog," Shizuo says, taking a moment to right Izaya's television from where it had been knocked to the ground. There's an awkward pause in the puttering around from whatever Izaya's doing in the kitchen and then he's in the doorway, holding two of his teacups.

"Shizu-chan wants a playmate?" His boyfriend asks, an odd look on his face, handing Shizuo one of the cups. Izaya scrunches his nose like just considering the very idea is distasteful to him. "I'd rather not. It's bad enough I let an animal like you on the furniture."

Shizuo stares at Izaya, who ignores it in favor of idly humming, sipping from his cup and surveying his thoroughly trashed apartment. The flea apparently does not understand the reason why Shziuo wants him to get a dog. Had the flea had a dog, the guy wouldn't have even thought about breaking into Izaya's apartment (though, admittedly, that is debatable, seeing as the robber broke into _Orihara Izaya's_ apartment, of all people). Or, at least, the old ladies that live in Shizuo's apartment complex have said before that having dogs make it less likely that people break into your home – crooks turn tail and run if they hear a dog barking, even if it's just a little dog.

"Ah, I'm guessing Namie said she wouldn't come in until this was cleaned up?" Izaya comments, doing an odd dance in order to maneuver around the papers on the floor as he takes care not to step on any of them. "I suppose we can just pile the papers and files together and she can reorganize them tomorrow."

"You're seriously going to come back here?" Shizuo barks at Izaya's words, and he turns and looks at Shizuo like he's an idiot – a look that he admittedly is not unfamiliar with.

"I mean, I wasn't planning on leaving, Shizu-chan," Izaya says slowly, as if it's easier for Shizuo to understand slower statements. "This mess isn't going to clean itself, after all, and there is the little fact that I _live_ here as well."

"Like hell I'm letting you stay here after this," Shizuo informs Izaya, and he receives another blank stare, before Izaya sighs as if Shizuo is being more unreasonable than he really is. Still, he doesn't put up much a fight before conceding – probably thinking back to the argument from that morning.

"If Shizu-chan insists on having a sleepover, I don't have much choice, do I?"

He acts like he hasn't already spent the past three nights at Shizuo's apartment, but Shizuo doesn't point that fact out, or Izaya's likely to get hissy and insist on staying to spite him.

Izaya tells him to right the bookcases on the second floor, and Shizuo allows the dismissal of the conversation topic.

For now.

* * *

A week later, after the locks on Izaya's apartment have all been changed and the mess has been cleaned up, Shizuo has to begrudgingly allow his boyfriend to return to his apartment, though Izaya still has yet to agree to get himself a dog. Whenever Shizuo brings up the topic Izaya either dances around it or completely dismisses it. By the time Izaya has returned to his apartment they have already reached the point where Shizuo has taken to addressing it as Izaya getting himself a pet in order to attempt to circumvent any possible arguments.

Another week after Izaya has returned to his apartment, Shizuo receives a cheerful selfie from his boyfriend with a guy tied up in the background as Izaya poses with a peace sign to the side. There's no message, and Shizuo deletes the picture just so he can have deniability and wishes that Izaya wouldn't text him pictures of whatever shady business he's getting up to. (Though he can't deny the occasional relief he feels when he has viable proof that Izaya is still breathing, and not bleeding out in some alley somewhere due to the fucked up shit he gets into.)

Two months later, and Shizuo has yet to let up on trying to get Izaya to get himself a dog. As a result, the amount of arguments the couple have has gone up exponentially, and there's a solid week the third month in where neither of them speak to the other. By this point, Shizuo wonders if Izaya has forgotten the whole point of why he wants him to get a dog. (He doesn't remember that in any of their arguments he never actually told Izaya _why_ he wanted his boyfriend to get a dog. Shizuo assumes the reasoning is implied.)

[ _You could just get him one yourself,_ ] Celty suggests when he's venting the situation to her four months after the break-in. [ _If trying to talk to him about it hasn't worked, I mean. It could be that Izaya doesn't like the idea, but it could change if there's the actual thing in front of him._ ]

"You think?" Shizuo asks, taking another drag of his cigarette.

[ _It's worth a shot,_ ] Celty shrugs, [ _After all, what's the worst that could happen?_ ]

Celty doesn't normally give him faulty advice, so Shizuo is compelled to agree – what is the worst that could happen? One of her clients has a dog that's just had a litter of puppies recently, and Celty helps Shizuo get one of them once they're old enough to leave their mother. He figures he can let Izaya name the dog.

So almost six months after the initial break-in, Shizuo is about to let himself into his boyfriend's apartment when his cellphone rings and the name ' _Kishitani Shinra_ ' announces itself on the caller ID.

" _Shizuo!"_ Shinra's harried voice echoes across the line when Shizuo answers the phone. " _Celty just told me – I mean – you didn't seriously get Izaya a dog, did you?"_ When Shizuo affirms this, Shinra makes a sound comparable to a wounded animal.

" _Where are you right now?"_ He sounds urgent, and Shizuo takes it as him being on Izaya's side of things. " _Don't tell me you're at his apartment right now. Shizuo, this is a really, really bad idea, I mean, I admit it'll probably be funny, but Shizuo, you need to know –"_ Shizuo hangs up the phone, Shinra not making any sense.

As Shizuo unlocks the apartment, he enters with the puppy just in time to hear the ringtone of Izaya's personal phone lance through the air.

"Shinra?" Izaya's voice comes from the kitchen, so they head in that direction and Shizuo makes a mental note to beat up the doctor for ruining the surprise. "What do I owe the pleasure – slow down, I can't understand anything you're saying." Izaya half-turns from his spot at the counter, a tacit greeting for Shizuo accompanied with an eye roll for whatever incomprehensible babble Shinra is giving on the other side of the line.

"Shinra, you're not making any sense – _what the hell is that?"_ Izaya leaps clean onto the counter when he notices the puppy at the end of the leash that Shizuo's holding, his voice leaping up an octave at least. The toaster rattles a little from the force of Izaya's feet hitting the countertop.

Well. That isn't the reaction Shizuo was expecting.

"A dog," Shizuo replies flatly, and there is an unmistakable expression of terror on Izaya's face. He takes a step in Izaya's direction, the puppy bounding ahead, tethered by his leash, and Izaya makes a strangled noise similar to a scream while he fits himself neatly in the space between the top of the refrigerator and the ceiling. Huh. Izaya's more flexible than Shizuo originally thought.

"I know what it is!" Izaya's voice is higher than normal, and his face has drained of all color. His boyfriend is more reminiscent of a cat than Shizuo ever remembers him being before. "What is it doing _in my apartment?!"_ He chucks his phone at Shizuo, who tilts his head out of the way, causing it to collide with the wall.

" _I tried to stop him!"_ Shinra's voice wails from the phone on the floor, speakerphone activated from the wall collision, and before Shizuo can even begin to fathom what's going on, a teacup is lobbed at his head.

"Get it out!" Izaya howls from his perch on the fridge, chucking a wooden spoon at Shizuo. "Get it out, get it out, _get it out_!"

Kitchen utensils keep flying at him with every repetition of "get it out", increasing to each individual word, with Izaya rearming himself by pulling what's within reach of the refrigerator top. Shizuo is eventually forced to retreat out of the apartment, complying with his boyfriend's hysterical demands if only because frozen foods hurt slightly more than utensils do. Also because Kasuka got him that toaster and Shizuo doesn't want that to be added to Izaya's ammunition list.

Later, he learns from an exasperated Shinra that Izaya has a phobia of dogs. Celty apparently didn't know, so Shizuo doesn't blame her, and Shinra begs forgiveness for not sharing Izaya's secret phobia before Shizuo can do anything. As he doesn't know what to do with the puppy, and Shizuo thinks it would be impolite to return him to his original owners, Shizuo gives him to the Orihara twins, who promptly name the puppy 'Yuuhei'. (He comes to mildly regret this decision when four months later he receives a phone call from a screaming Izaya demanding to know _"Why the hell did Shizu-chan give the mongrel to my sisters of all people?!"_ and has to come retrieve his boyfriend from a tree in the backyard of the Orihara family residence.)

A week after the dog fiasco, Shizuo finally deems it safe to go to his boyfriend's apartment and beg forgiveness. Izaya refuses to allow him to bring up the incident, even by way of apology, and instead almost dunks Shizuo headfirst into a new addition in the apartment – a fish tank.

"There." Izaya huffs, arms crossed, as Shizuo studies the new addition. "Shizu-chan, meet Tsukishima. Tsuki-kun, meet Shizu-chan. Tsuki-kun is officially at this moment higher in the pecking order than you."

It's a _betta fish_. Shizuo says so, and receives an annoyed flat look. In all honesty Shizuo isn't as upset at Izaya liking the fish more than him at that moment as he probably logically should be. After last week, he thinks he probably deserves it.

"Congratulations on being able to identify types of fish, Shizu-chan!" Izaya's hissy, undoubtedly still mad over the dog fiasco. And here he thought one week would be enough for Izaya to calm down… "We may yet still be able to teach you something."

"A fish," Shizuo reiterates against his better judgment, probably because he has no sense of self-preservation.

"You wanted me to get a pet, I got a pet!" Izaya throws his hands up in exasperation, and it's Shizuo's turn to look at Izaya as if he's an idiot. "I don't know where you got these stupid maternal instincts from or why you suddenly developed a need to care for something, but I'm not allowing a repeat of you bringing any sort of mongrels back into my apartment!"

Izaya stomps off, and all Shizuo can do is watch him go, brain stuck on the fact that Izaya has completely missed the point on _why_ Shizuo wanted him to get a dog in the first place. Has he forgotten?

Later that week, he's trying to explain things once more to Celty (and Shinra, who is unfortunately at the apartment at the time).

"You realize this is _Izaya_ , we're talking about, right?" Shinra cuts in at one point, "He probably doesn't understand why you want him to have any sort of added protection – he thinks that he can take care of himself."

"But," Shinra adds, shrugging his shoulders, before Shizuo can say anything, "If you are that worried and think he can't take care of himself – which you probably shouldn't say to his face, by the way – I do have an idea for what you can do."

And Shinra explains his idea, and Shizuo is forced to admit that it's not as terrible as he thought the doctor's idea might be. So, the following week he brings it up to Izaya.

"Move in together?" Izaya is looking at him with an odd expression on his face, like Shizuo just sprouted a third arm or something.

"Yeah," Shizuo shrugs, and wishes that Izaya didn't have a 'no smoking' policy for his apartment. This entire conversation is making him crave a cigarette badly. "I mean, we've been dating this long already without killing each other, and spend so much time at one another's apartments anyways…"

"I understand the reasoning behind it," Shizuo's sure Izaya doesn't mean to sound condescending, not intentionally at least. "I'm just surprised you brought it up, that's all."

"If you don't want to…"

"No, that's not it," Izaya cuts him off, shaking his head. "I don't mind. Sure, why not. Let's move in together Shizu-chan."

Quite honestly, it's not the response Shizuo was expecting – he had thought Izaya would put up a bit more of a fight, Shinra had said that Izaya would put up a fight – but he's not unhappy with it. He is unprepared, however, when Izaya continues on and asks,

"So Shizu-chan, your place or mine?"

* * *

 _Ahaha~! I hope everyone enjoyed this. Please read and review!_


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